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Sunday, March 6, 2011

Hiatus and the worst nightmare EVER.

        This past week has been a flurry of emotions, illness, and pretty much everything else that wasn't attached to the ground. Not only did i not get my bikini tops photographed, but i've hardly worked on my nightie at all. I have very little completed in just about anything and honestly, today's been the first day since last monday that i felt like i could actually accomplish something. (and oooooh accomplish i have! kind-of...)

        Monday, it seemed everything that was going to go wrong, did. I swear it was like i'd somehow left the house on Sunday and have run over 13 black cats, rampaged through a mirror and A-ladder warehouse, floated to safety indoors with an umbrella, only for me to knock over a container of salt on the way down all in some quasi-dimension where every day is Friday the 13th. UGH. Monday was horrible. There was arguing, there was slammed cabinets, there was screaming. The worst virus we've ever managed to obtain fixed itself into our desktop (that holds every family photo, every important file, every piece of information we've EVER downloaded) and for the first and ONLY time, i wasn't able to remove it. (Fuck you Vista Security 2011, i hope you die in a fiery pit of rabid monkey excrement.) On top of this, everyone in the house decided it would be a good day to get batshit upset over video games. Not just "damn, i died again." but "AGH ARASGDLAIWEGLK FRIKKIN GHOSTS CAMPING THE GRAVEYARD" and "DAMN SPY KEEPS SAPPIN' MAH SENTRY! ASDGOIAWSELKNG RAGGLEFRAGGLEBURR!" and etc. It seemed like i was the only person in the house who was sane for the moment. o.O

        Tuesday comes. Tuesday was slightly better. I had expected to get OUT of the house and go on a picnic -- but because of the previous night, i had been up all night with a migraine and didn't get to sleep until about 9:00 in the morning-- thus, not waking up until around 5:00pm. (Note: Sleeping schedule is still WAY OFF because of that.) Also, it rained. A lot. However things were slightly better all-in-all. Frustration with video-games still made it's way far into the evening, but it was significantly better than the previous night.

However, none of this was as bad as it got Wednesday.

        Wednesday morning, i fell asleep cuddling Jim -- swaddled in our 4 comforters like adorable little butterflies waiting to spring forth into the beautiful morning sunshine! Until the nightmare came...

(I'm quoting this from a letter to my friends i had made where we discuss dreams and problems...)

"        Jim and I were driving around the north end of Terre Haute, (Plaza north area) and he was really really quiet. I asked him what was wrong and he kept ignoring the question until finally i refused to get out of the car unless he told me what was the matter. He sat back down in the driver's seat and confessed he'd gotten a call that morning from his doctor who explained to him that they finally found the cause of his arithmea, and that it wasn't good. I figured at worst it could be AIDS or Cancer or something and we'd get through it together, but instead he pulled out his itouch and showed me a webpage page explaining the disease he had, and that 20 years after the disease becomes active, it strikes again but harder. This disease had been the cause of his coma, his extreme fevers that scare me constantly, and even the splotches we thought were birthmarks as well as the arithmea, and that on the anniversary of his coma, it was due to strike again. That day, was today. I got really upset and asked him what we could do -- shouldn't he be in a hospital or something?? And he explained that his doctors told him there was really nothing left to do but live out your last day like you'd want to, because they have yet to find a cure as it's so rare they can't study it properly, and once the victim dies all traces of the disease vanish. (It's turning out like a weird episode of Supernatural, except without the demons.) So he explained that unfortunately, we didn't have a lot of money, so we went to have Ritter's (a frozen-yogurt place) and then meandered through BigLots without buying anything because if he bought anything for me it would just remind me of our last day together, and we couldn't buy anything for our future apartment, because there wasn't going to BE a future. We eventually parked our car in the plaza north parking lot and did things one last time. When we woke up, i thought everything was going to be fine and that he'd made it through, that the doctor's were idiots! We went to the park to celebrate and walk the paths as the sun rose, and then he fell. Huge fit of seizures started wracking his body and i forgot what to do for like, 10 minutes. Finally, i managed to -- with the help of an extremely nice woman -- help him into the car once the big seizures had worn off and he was merely shaking and disoriented. I took his keys, cell phone and itouch and drove him to Union (the hospital in the north end) and admitted him, but they wouldn't let me go back to see him because i "wasn't immediate family" and they didn't believe me that i was his fiance since my ring didn't have a diamond on it. I got PISSED. Six hours later, they came into the waiting room and told me that he'd passed away, that they'd basically had to euthanize him because of the amount of pain he was in. They said it was the only thing they could have done for him. I -- of course -- sobbed like crazy and fell to the floor hysterically. THEN they told me i could go in and see his lifeless body. His dad (who works at Union) rushed in after a minute and hugged me, telling me everything was going to be okay and that he'd take over things from here, and that i could just go home and relax and that i'd "always be a part of the family". So he shooed me out the door and i sat outside on the steps shaking and confused. I didn't want to go home, i didn't want to go anywhere, i just wanted to drink myself stupid until the world didn't exist anymore, and i wanted to be with people i loved. I posted with his itouch on facebook that i needed as many friends as i could gather, and it was an emergency. One of my friends (Name omitted for privacy) messaged me back asking me what was wrong. I confided in her and she explained they'd be down in a few hours to help as well as they could. So i sat. Plopped on the Hospital steps waiting for literally ANYONE i knew to come pick me up and help me forget everything."

        A knock sounded on the door, and i awoke, tears in my eyes and clinging to Jim with a death-grip. My mum had come to wake us and tell me we needed to head out to Grandpa's. The amount of relief that washed over me seeing Jim open his eyes and smile at me was enough to bring me to tears, so instead of having him watch me blubber and cry (because i know it makes guys feel awkward when girls do that...) I rushed into the bathroom and showered. (Although i ended up clinging to him and crying anyways later on in the bedroom..)

But no, the nightmare wasn't the end of it...

        The night before, Jim had made Melon Pan. (Some kind of Japanese bread wrapped in a sugar cookie. He had made them look like turtles even). But because they smelled burnt and the bottoms were growing dark, he pulled them out sooner than the timer had said. We'll get to why that's relevant later...) He munched on a couple for breakfast and we headed out the door -- all of us piled into the Stranger-Danger-Mobile and we made our way to West-T to see Grandpa. Heck, we even stopped by the store to grab an Apple Pie!
        The day was looking infinitely better! We got to Maryvale, ate pie, laughed, showed grandpa my projects i'd been working on, and Jim fell asleep on the couch because he was exhausted (i didn't blame him, we hadn't gotten more than 3 hours of sleep!)
         Into the car we went and made our way to Krogers to pick up dinner. About Applebees, Jim mentioned he wasn't feeling good. Carsick maybe? It wasn't uncommon... We stopped discussing meals to help with his stomach, and all seemed great in the world. Until we got to Krogers.

As soon as the van pulled into the parking lot... 

        He spewed. All over the baby blanket he'd been knitting, all over the back of mom's seat, all over himself. It was the first time i'd seen pure white vomit, and i'd started worrying if something was seriously wrong, until i remembered he'd only eaten Melon Pan that morning, and it was white. Mum's Super-mom instincts kicked in, and we had him out of the van and into her clean powder-blue jacket in seconds. He seemed dizzy and quiet, so girlfriend-mode switches on, and i drag him into Krogers bathroom where he cleans up and mum eyes the expensive South-Braves T-shirts...

        So now he's freezing, but clean, and the van's a little less rancid. So when mum comes out with the Febreeze, we all rejoice and commence the cleanup on the way home. Where dad forgot the keys to the house before we left. So we try opening my window -- no go. We try dad's window. Nope! Basement door? There's a crutch wedged under the doorknob to keep people from getting in and to keep it closed, so nope. We didn't want to bust open the back doors, because then we'd have direct cold air rushing through into the kitchen and living room! While Jim and Chance and I are freezing in the van, we watch Dad and Mom inspect the rest of the house, trying to find a way to break in with the least amount of damage.

        FINALLY, Dad manages to find his lockpick for just such an occasion, and manages to get his way through the garage door, the craftroom door, AND the side-door next to my room. Yay! Warmth! I let everyone else take care of groceries while i rush my man into the bathroom and tell him to warm himself up in the shower and clean off all that vomit while i make the bed so he can rest.
        About 15 minutes go by, and we realize the shower's quiet. Nothing's interrupting the flow of water and it's been this way for a good 10 minutes or so. Mom panics. "Mindy? I just knocked on the bathroom door and he's not answering. You mind checking for me? I don't want to embarrass him!"
        Of course, he's my fiance right? So i knock on the door and call a little louder. "Babe? You okay??" Nothing. "Baby?" I peek through the door and holler. "Hun, are you alright? We're getting worried?" Silence. "Babe!?" Instantly my heart begins to race and i rush into the teeny tiled room and rip aside the shower curtains, where he's slumped over on the floor, his head nearly in his lap, eyes closed.
        In a matter of 10 seconds my mind replayed my dream... each horrifying detail of him dying and me having no way to help him. Before i scream "CALL 911!" I decide to see if i can shake him awake. Just touching his shoulder makes his head shoot up and he stares at me sleepily. "Wha?" "You okay!?" "Yeah, just getting warm. Why?" "Because we've been screaming for you for like, 10 minutes!" "Oh. Sorry. Must have had water in my ears."
        It was later uncovered he had fallen asleep -- which by all means? i don't blame him! (I've fallen asleep standing up in the shower so often it's rediculous...) but it made my heart leap up into my throat. 3 minutes later he was in pyjamas kissing me goodnight and off to bed. (While he was in my bed with a bucket just-in-case, i slept on the couch. I love him with all my heart, but i don't wanna be woken up by vomit-to-the-face. Ugh!)
        Mum and I talked about what had made him sick, and discovered what was left of the Melon Pan sitting in a container on the counter. Remembering it had bread inside, and him having asked for the yeast earlier -- we broke it open. Or rather, peeled it open. Inside, the dough was not quite set and smelled so strongly of yeast i just about urped myself. They were disposed of immediately as i can almost guarantee you it was the cause of the whole incident. (Ingesting raw bread dough doesn't exactly make for a good meal these days o.O Especially not when your father-in-law-to-be drives the van and makes it feel like you're swaying side to side on a boat... More Seasick than Carsick.)

        Luckily, things were better that evening. He was able to hold down some plain toast, and later some chicken and noodles. Feeling ambitious, he even made himself some french toast for lunch later-on.

        So yeah, things were a little hectic around here, and getting my sleeping schedule back in order has been a task in and of itself, so until i can get things all set up again, i'm going on Hiatus. I promise i'll keep in touch though and let you know what's going on. (It won't be more than 2 weeks tops, i'm not leaving ;-D)

        So in the meantime, keep crafting, and leave some messages! I'd love to see what kind of stuff you guys have been up to! (And i'm always ready to take a look at some of your favorite artists/websites/etc. I need some for the Friday posts!)



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